Church Hurt

Church hurt doesn’t get enough recognition in the body of Christ. More often than not a person who has experienced this type of pain is rebuked and shamed when they bring it up and forced to figure out how to heal in silence. Since only a select few are trained in both theology and psychology, the likelihood of someone being able to do this on their own with success—that is, in a way that maintains their dignity while also glorifying God, is very slim. 

“Stop all that whining.” 

“You’re still stuck on that?” 

“Don’t talk about the man (or woman) of God!”

These judgments can make the wounded feel as if nobody cares—not even Jesus. Many conclude they’re better off without God, as loving as He seems, and His hateful children. 

To be clear, church hurt is not the petty offenses of preferred seats and parking spaces, nor is it the assumed social rejection of losing the annual baking contest. (But social rejection can be a source of church hurt). Church hurt is much more traumatic. At the time of this writing, thorough research has not uncovered a specific definition. Therefore, with some liberty, I define it as the deep emotional pain a person experiences due to the physical, verbal, sexual, psychological, or financial abuse inflicted upon them by a church system, organization, group, leader, or individual. 

Though it doesn’t get much attention, church hurt is debilitating to individuals and the universal Church. Just as a runner can not run efficiently with an injury, a Christian can not run the race of faith (Heb. 12:1) efficiently or effectively with unhealed church hurt wounds. Therefore healing is essential for the emotional health of the hurt and the overall mission of the Church.

Healing church hurt begins with a willingness to deal with it. Dealing with it, however, does not include retaliatory actions. God is the judge, and His excellent judgment will render the appropriate verdict (Eccl. 3:17). Dealing with church hurt means being willing to look at emotional pain, accept what happened, examine what caused it, study what it produced, and learn the healthy and effective ways of operating in faith. It is a lot of work that will likely a lot of time to complete. Some have been hurt in more than one area by the Church, and their pain runs very deep. Therefore there is no time limit. Healing takes time, but it’s required for growth—a basic and essential process of life. Furthermore, God is glorified in healing. He is the Healer of His people and desires to heal them (Deut. 32:39). 

To heal church hurt, a change of perspective is required. The American Psychological Association defines perspective in the following four ways: 

1. the ability to view objects, events, and ideas in realistic proportions and relationships. 

2. the ability to interpret relative position, size, and distance of objects in a plane surface as if they were three-dimensional. 

3. the capacity of an individual to take into account and potentially understand the perceptions, attitudes, or behaviors of himself or herself and of other individuals. 

4. a particular way of looking at events or situations: a stance or philosophical position.

Simply put, it’s the way someone looks at things. Sadly, many are taught (or assume) things about God and the Church that are not true, and thus the way they approach or operate within it aligns with abuse. This is by no means the wounded’s fault because the Church is not supposed to hurt people. However, a new perspective of God, the Church, and faith may give the wounded the vantage point they need to move forward. 

This renewed perspective of the emotional pain of church hurt can be seen in the disciples’ reaction to Jesus walking on water (Mark 6:45-52). This event happened just after the miraculous feeding of the 5,000. Jesus had told his disciples to get into their boat and cross the lake to the town of Bethsaida. After they left He went up into the hills to pray alone. Late at night the wind began to blow on the lake, which caused the disciples to struggle. Jesus was aware of them and saw they were in deep trouble, but His response to their seeming crisis was interesting. At about three o’clock in the morning, which may have been much later than the aforementioned “late at night,” Jesus walked toward them on the water with the intention of passing them. However, when the disciples saw Him they thought He was a ghost and became terrified. Though Jesus’ intention was to cross the lake, He stopped, encouraged them, and got into the boat with them. The wind stopped, and they finished their destination together. 

An initial view of this event could perceive Jesus as uncaring and delayed. If He knew they were in trouble while He was still on land, why didn’t He just command the wind and waves to stop as soon as they began? Why didn’t He supernaturally prevent the storm from happing to begin with? Why didn’t He cause the wind to simply carry them safely to the other side? Why did He take so long to come to their aid, and why didn’t He announce Himself before they saw Him so they wouldn’t be afraid? And furthermore, how could He have possibly conceived the thought of walking past them while they were in the midst of trouble? 

These are valid questions. But another perspective of this event could view it as training. The disciples in the boat were not merely men who believed in Jesus and followed Him around as He taught. These men were apostles, hand selected by Jesus (Luke 6:12-16) to continue His teachings and broadcast the terms of the new covenant to the world. They had serious kingdom of God work to do, and learning how to survive a windstorm was a prerequisite for their mission. After all, travel by sea was how people got around back then, and there were no handheld devices with apps that alerted them of unsuspected changes in the weather. Paul, an apostle who was appointed later and whose writings make up the majority of the New Testament, was shipwrecked three times and once spent an entire night and day adrift at sea (2 Cor. 11:25). These men were not called to stroll through the Mount of Olives and pick fruit. They were called to sacrifice, and they had to be strong to do it. 

In the moment, the apostles did not understand what was happening, and the event left them amazed (Mark 6:51). In context, the Greek word existēmi used here means to become astounded to such a degree as to nearly lose ones mental composure. At this point they’d seen miracles happen. They’d been on missionary journeys. They’d cast out demons and healed the sick, too (Mark 6:6-13). So how was it that they were frightened when they saw Jesus? How did they confuse Him with a ghost? How was it that they still didn’t understand after everything they’d been through and everything they’d experienced? 

A less than graceful viewpoint is that they were completely faithless and ignorant. A merciful viewpoint is that they were in the lifelong learning process of faith. Spiritual understanding does not happen overnight, and there are times when learning involves pain. However, the intention of the Father is never for the pain to completely overcome one of His children. The intention is for kingdom work to continue, and that requires maturity. 

This same merciful viewpoint can be extended to believers today when they find themselves in a place of pain without the vantage point they need to make it to the other side. Whatever the source of the church hurt that has caused emotional pain, the Father still has every intention to faithfully see the wounded complete their mission. And just as Jesus comforted the apostles and got in the boat with them when they cried out, so too does the Father give comfort and assistance to those who cry out to Him. The blood Jesus shed on the cross still has the power to heal. 

References

 "APA Dictionary Of Psychology". 2021. Dictionary.Apa.Org. https://dictionary.apa.org/perspective.